I get to move out this month. I could not be more thrilled even though you may not be able to tell in person. I am looking forward to it. I know this transition will bring me peace. It feels like it’s long overdue and it’s still happening. Come faster, I say. Come faster.
Hi folks. I just want to start off by saying that the purpose of this blog post is to encourage you. I’m writing this piece believing that several of you need to hear this or be reminded of these truths. I have been growing in multiple ways and learning how powerful prayer is in the name of JESUS. Jesus has equipped us already with everything that we need by the power of His Spirit and part of my role as a daughter of His is to share the wisdom with y’all.
Some of you know already, but I’ve battled some hard things and my journey hasn’t been easy, but Jesus has already set me FREE of multiple things up until this point and more specifically this year. Sometimes the most we feel we can do during hardships is to get out of bed and try to go about the day with doing our best and if that’s you right now, that’s okay. With this being said, God does not want us getting too comfortable with only being okay. Why?! Jesus Christ wants us healed and well. He wants us walking in the Freedom that He already brought for us as result of Him dying on the cross for us. He was bound so that we could be FREE. Whom the son sets free is free indeed; John 8:36. This is how much He loves you, friend! He does not want us walking around on this earth with any sickness, pain, and/or disease. Heaven on earth is here now.
Jesus is a King of healing. He is the source of healing. I want to touch on something here that I believe comes into play with addiction. A lot of us are trying to find happiness or satisfaction in life, but the problem a lot of times is that we are looking in all the wrong places. I’ve been there and looking back now I can honestly say these habits were heightened the more entrenched I was in my addiction. These things did not satisfy me. I thought they would, but it was always never enough. Jesus Christ is the only one who can fill us up and make us whole. There was a point in time within the past few years where I believed I could fix myself. I thought I could get through my struggles alone and on my own. What deception. Ya see, deception comes in when we have a lack of knowledge. When we cannot see clearly because our lens is focused on the wrong things is when deception comes in. I’m so thankful to God now that He connected me with folks now that genuinely care about my well being and walk with Christ. When I was in the midst of my challenges and felt like I was drowning was the same point in which I learned to reach out to these folks I now call family. By reaching out, I mean contacting one of these folks (my family and supports) I knew I could both trust and see as safe people. I didn’t like it, but I had learned to reach out in the darkest of hours. Looking back now I can without a doubt say that these small steps aided in my healing process. We all need community in our life, especially when we have challenges going on. When I speak to community here, I am referring to the kind of community that knows the truth of God’s word. Safe people that are willing to cover you in prayer and be considerate of where you are in life. Only Jesus can bring us true healing that satisfies and makes us whole. I love how John Eckhardt speaks to healing when he says this; “Healing accompanies the Kingdom message. This is the kingdom age where you don’y have to be sick, broke, or run over by the devil. This is GOOD news”.
There are many accounts of Jesus’s healing in His word, but I want to touch on how Jesus healed many in the book of Matthew. Jesus was traveling throughout the region of Galilee and we see such a beautiful picture of His healing power here. Matthew 4:23-24; Jesus went throughout Galilee, teaching in their synagogues,proclaiming the good news of the kingdom, and healing every disease and sickness among the people. 24 News about him spread all over Syria,and people brought to him all who were ill with various diseases, those suffering severe pain, the demon-possessed, those having seizures, and the paralyzed; and he healed them. Just like Jesus healed many here in His word years ago, the same rings true to this day. Jesus can heal you and wants to heal you. It doesn’t matter what it is or what your doctor may have said-There is nothing too hard for God!
Heaven on Earth is here now. Believe it or not, there is a lot more on healing from a Kingdom perspective, but all these wisdom nuggets should encourage you. God is for you and not against you. He wants to heal you and make you whole. I challenge you to call on the name of Jesus with whatever it is that’s been weighing you down. Invite Him into your life and ask for His Help. Admit your need for Him. Remember, nothing is too hard for God. It does not matter how Big or Small it may be. If it concerns you, it concerns Him.
I want more. More Jesus. More healing. More healthy living. Good relationships. More writing. More confidence. Helping others. More moving forward. So I choose to speak my mind. Sometimes maybe more than I should. I choose to let someone know when something is Hard for me. I choose to create space in my life for Newness because Jesus makes all things new and I believe time is so precious. So precious that we don’t have all the time in the world to decide whether we want to move forward or stay stuck.
I just want to take a few minutes to be honest with you guys. Because I am already role playing in my head what I would say to people I might come face to face with this week regarding how I’m doin. Second reason being I would hate to add being a liar to the list of things I already am. These past few weeks have been hard in multiple areas including matters regarding food. I am trying so hard to like food right now, but I honestly hate it and try to avoid it. I also hate it being in my system. This is real…I didn’t say it would be pretty. In the midst of these storm clouds hovering above me, I am trying to find small moments of time to read and consider a different perspective. Joyce Meyer says it’s better to “do it afraid” and that the only way out is through, regarding struggles. I am doing my best to walk through this thing, but its not easy. I am doing my best to consider giving people space from myself more than I’m actually doing it. I know people are sick of my face…yet I sometimes feel like reaching out to others may help me get better. I need to keep walking through the muck if I am to hang onto this life.
I just want to spend a few minutes acknowledging God in all of His goodness. I am seeing the results of God at work in my own life and it’s nothing short of amazing.God has been teaching me to stay the course and trust Him EVEN when. Even when it’s hard, trusting Him makes a big difference in my every move on a daily. This transformation of newness and freedom that I have walked into finally no longer feels weird or awkward. He has been growing me in a few various areas, but I’ll choose to touch on just a few today. Balance. My word, has Jesus been showing me how to prioritize and organize my life. I’m learning to put God first in my life and trust Him in all areas of life. This has required me to let go of some things I was wanting to hold on to. Putting Him first in my life looks like turning to Him when it’s hard, because trust me, it gets hard at times. It looks like worshiping a lot because this is what I naturally love to do. It’s how I connect with Christ well and His presence always brings peace from Heaven. Always. When Jesus becomes your first priority, things change for the better. He changes you for the better. This change is called transformation and it’s a process. Second, Christ has been softening my heart. I’ll be needing this continually as there are some disciplines that reoccur, and I openly admit that. Ownership. I grew up having hatred and bitterness make their home in my soul due to my experiences. As a result, I am just now learning to let Go and let God in this area. To resolve to have Jesus help grow me in love and understanding. This is where Jesus as the response comes into play. I notice when I intentionally make Him the response of any situation, He brings in more peace, like I mentioned earlier. I’m still learning, but that’s most of us. Transformation is a process and Gods not done with me yet, but Man oh Man does the journey feel amazing.
Sometimes we are searching so much for things…we don’t even realize it. That awareness switch is turned off and all we can see is the next fix…the next thing we “need” to get our hands on. We search for something greater, but we fail to realize we are looking in the wrong places. I have had my share of struggles, but one I want to give attention to today is that of material possessions. This had been an issue for me for years, but looking back I can see how much it grew as a result of another addiction I had battled. I would buy one thing and it wasn’t enough because as SOON as I received it…well, I was on to desiring another thing I thought I needed. It was never enough. I was trying to fill a void with material possessions which became a problem. Some may say…”Well, you are a girl. Girls are supposed to have clothes and things”. I now am in a healthier space in my life where I know and can see the difference between having things and constantly desiring material possessions. Constantly desiring more things, more earthly things. The latter is an addiction. But then God happened. Over the past few months, that desire I had of constantly wanting things has been dying down, thankfully. I have been intentionally focusing on all that I already have and practicing greater self control. Jesus is filling me up and it’s so, so good. What I am seeing now is that when we resolve to make Him a priority, He changes the desires of our hearts to align with His. God specifically instructs us not to store up treasures here on earth, but to store our treasures in Heaven, in the book of Matthew chapter six. Jesus fills us up when we partner with Him and His truth. He fills us up when we earnestly seek Him out and begin to yield our ways to His. He is the only one that can make us whole. Make us Complete.
Many of you know that this past year has been quite the challenge for me. I battled anorexia, depression, and various other struggles that had become heightened at this time. My struggle with eating issues started July of 2016 although this wasn’t the first of any symptoms showing up. I can recall falling into the trap to a small degree as I was in college back in 2012. I remember gradually starting to obsess over my image and how I looked. I came to fear eating at the cafeteria and started the habit of bringing food to my room. I mean, my roommate did that and she was okay so that made it easier to justify me doing it. I was in a Psychology class at the time which was hard in and of itself, but my patterns with this made it even harder to keep up. I had to make adjustments and pull out of that class and take a new route. Thankfully (I am not sure if this is the best word to use here) this small period of worrying about myself and food only lasted about a month.
This past year has been a roller coaster. Summer of last year was super hard for me; the environment, the circumstance, the lack of community, the doubt, etc. I remember telling my friend Katelynn that I wanted to lose weight because I thought it would help. I wanted to be Enough and things were supposed to look different with my family. I was so tired of playing nice and getting no where. I was tired of still having my parents placing blame on me. Of my dad still abusing his role of an authority figure to threaten me with hostility. I was tired of a lot of things, including myself. With where I am at now, I can honestly say I was wanting community and meaningful relationships. I deserve that, but I couldn’t see it then. I couldn’t see a lot of things then and it was at a vulnerable time where I questioned whether or not I had any worth.
I didn’t have any worth (what I came to believe) and so desperately wanted to be good enough. I thought that if I could be thin enough, I could be more likable. I could make something of myself and finally get something I wanted. I could have the opportunity to achieve something and become perfect if I worked hard enough. This only led to an addiction that became dark in every way possible. Thoughts and behaviors became obsessive. It landed me in the hospital a few times as well as a treatment center in which I was at the center for about nine months. It was super hard to see that life was even worth it at times. Things can get pretty Dark and Dismal when you come to believe that your life means nothing and everyone would be better off without you. This was the lie that I was believing, but I could not see it because I had blinders on. Deception is an ugly thing.
Reflecting on my journey up until this point is pretty neat actually. I say this now because I I am starting to see the progress that I have made. Jesus has been helping me through it BIG time as I have begun to invite Him in over the past few months. I now know that I am set FREE because of the blood of Christ. Gods word says so in the book of John and this is truth that I have to continually remind myself of. God is for me and wants me to be walking in freedom. I can say I am set FREE and own it because of the price that Jesus paid for us, for me. I have submitted my control over to Him so He can heal me and make me new. There is no confusion with Christ, folks. This new season does not mean there will not be challenges. It simply means that now I can choose to use the new and healthy skills I have learned to help diffuse any urges. It means that I can use the authority I have in Christ to help me in times of trouble. I wasn’t born to live a life tied down to fear and bondage, but I was born to Thrive and be about others. God is so good and He wants to heal us and have us walking in freedom. This is where I am at now in my journey and it feels so refreshing. Maybe, I will end up sharing my whole story later down the road if God says to, but I want nothing less than to spread a message of Gods HOPE. God at work is a beautiful thing, folks.